Like all good mothers are known for embarrassing themselves and their children without batting an eyelid, my mother asked our host how she managed to cook the tea so fast. Our host proudly explained the new phenomenon; propane gas that cooked in a flash, with no smoke or odor. My mother let out a scream “uuuuuui!!!! wiina ciana nyumba waruga na nyamu iraturika ikooraga andu?” translation, “you have children in the house and you dared cook with that monster that is killing people”.
I was embarrassed to death. I saw the embarrassment on our hosts face, but she tried to explain how safe gas is. She said gas is all she has been using for quite some time now and nothing like that has ever happened. My mother was not hearing any of it. She gave our host advance warning. “Wakorwo niyo urenda guturugira irio nayo, utwire tuume nja” translation: If you are still planning on using gas to cook food for us, let us know so we wait outside.
At that point I wanted to dive under the table and never coming out. Our host took it in stride. She was very gracious. She assured my mother she would use a Kerosene stove to cook lunch. Mother relaxed a bit but she still went ahead and expressed her opinion about propane gas and how it should be banned before it kills everybody in the country. Seriously mother dear??
I do not know if our host used Kerosene to cook our wonderful meal or not, but whatever the case, I was already wishing I was not part of this visit. I do not know if my parents ever went back to visit that family, but my hope was that they did not.
That family must have missed their real Gikuyu family, because the adoptive family of Nyandarua was nuts, thanks to my mother.
Point worth noting: I was not the best companion for my mother to those visits she took me to, because my character and general behavior was not much different from my brothers’. There was no polish or gentleness in me that would make mother desire my company. But looking back I realize what my mother was doing for my future without uttering a word. She wanted me to witness what mothers and women in general do for each other and their community. Actions speak louder than words. I witnessed it for myself and I learnt life lessons that have stuck with me to this date. For every visit, I noticed my mother never visited anybody without a parcel. Be it farm produce or grocery shopping or both depending on who she was visiting.
Without realizing it, I became exactly like my mother, and then some. Her lessons worked, against all odds, and I am sure she is very proud of herself, as she should be. As I grew up, I naturally found myself doing exactly what I saw my mother do whenever she visited somebody’s house. She made me witness for myself from that early age, and because of that practical lesson from my mother, I never visit anybody’s house empty handed, not even my siblings houses. I took mine a step further. Whenever I visit close friends and family, I always take some home cooked food along, something I know the family I am visiting will appreciate. For families that I don’t know very well, I bake them a cake, because I know everybody appreciates a sweet treat. It always works.
I took a page out of my mother’s playbook and I dragged my reluctant daughter along to all my visits to family and friends. Now, I get feedback from people she visits, telling me she never visits empty handed unlike most of her age mates. My daughter loves to bake and everybody she visits gets a cake or some homemade pastries. “Ngima yuumaga mutu ini”. Translation: “Ugali comes from Maize Flour” Meaning: Form may be different, but they are one and the same kind. Whatever my mother modeled for me in OlKalou in my formative years has trickled down to the next generation without saying a single word.
I am not trying to tell you that I have nailed the parenting thing. Far from it. What I do is celebrate my successes as I attempt to correct and smooth out my failures, as I trudge along like every good parent. But I like to share whatever worked for me without the usual barking, screaming and foaming at the mouth. That is why I am encouraging all mothers to model the values they want their children to copy, like my mother did for me, and I, in turn did for my daughter, rolling her eyes or not, but I promise you, some of it will catch on. This one did. You can only try.
