The hospital also brought out some characteristics in our mothers we had not noticed before. Women (I don’t know if its all of them) have a way of exaggerating situations to make them sound colorful. Whenever my mother and her friends met socially, their discussion moved from their homes, farms, children, weather and finally to their health.
It was a battle of wits. I remember hearing my mother and her friends trying to outdo each other on who had the strangest illness and how they gallantly overcame it. Each woman described how she had heroically battled constipation. “Kiumia kigima ndinathii kioro kinene” translation: For a whole week, I did not poop. Another tops that story by claiming “Ndirarekirie njoka iigana guoko gwakwa” translation: I expelled a tapeworm the length of my arm. Mind you this conversation was held over a cup of tea, and none of them was grossed out by their subject matter.
Anyhow, another realizes her two friends were not as sick as she was “Ndirathii Sheba ndirathimwo kioro, mathugumo, thakame, ndirahurwo mbica, murimu uraaga. Ndiretirwo Dagitari Munene. Arooka na ihenya muno. Githuki kia mundurume, nogitikwaria kiugo ona kimwe gia Gikuyu. Ngwiciria ni nyamu ici cia ruguru. Arangariura, mutwe, githuri, mooko, maguru, gutiri handu itanathimwo. Ndagika ya muico, arauga ndina igunyu thakame ini, ciigana kiara kia muira” translation: I went to Sheba, the regular doctors examined me, testing my stool, urine, blood and Xray but couldnt come up with a diagnosis. They called the Senior Doctor incharge of the entire hospital. He came very quickly. A heavy set tall man, but he doesn’t speak a word of Kikuyu. I think he is from Western Province (using derogatory term). He examined me everywhere, head, chest, arms, legs there was not an inch of my body he did not examine, and finally, a diagnosis. I have parasites in my blood and they are the size of my index finger”. Really????
She concludes triumphantly “Ndiraheyo dawa iria cia mucibi, ndiracinyua o thiku igiri ndirahona biu, riu ndiri handu. Reke ndainuka ningugutumanira icio ndiratigirie, ugucinyua o thiku igiri na ndugacoka kuhenukwo ni kahacho ringi”. Translation: “I was given the medicine that looks like they have a belt on (capsules) I only took them for two days and I was completely cured, now I feel perfect. When I get home, I will send you the remaining capsules, take them for two days and you will never have the painful spasms in your diaphragm ever again”.
The semi illiterate ‘doctor’ had spoken. And with that, the antibiotic regimen that was meant for one patient, after a proper diagnosis from a qualified doctor, was now shared out with friends courtesy of our mothers medicine 101. These ‘doctors’ have lived to a ripe old age and they are still going strong.
